Dating a friends husband
You may be surprised to learn that your joking eye rolls at your spouse's corny jokes make his friends feel bad for him—or heartened to find out that his closest pals want to see you more.
"People outside your marriage can often see blind spots we can't see," says Julie Hanks, LCSW, BCD, director of Wasatch Family Therapy, which has multiple locations in Utah.
"Whenever we tell stories from years ago, she rolls her eyes as if to say we're pathetic for living in the past." Even if you never say a thing about your husband's and his pals' antics, your eye-rolling can send the message that you think you're above them when you like them just fine. "It's cool that they want to get to know you; they value your husband enough to want to spend more time with the whole family," says Hanks. You don't have to go to every softball game, but consider inviting them and their significant others out for dinner. " But it might not even be a matter of trust, says Dr. "Often, when the husband is out and the wife is home, maybe with the kids driving her crazy, her stress levels go up and make her do things she wouldn't ordinarily do––like texting or calling incessantly." But you don'twant to be seen as a nagging wife.
Perhaps you feel threatened by the amount of time your husband spends with his buddies, especially if their association predates you, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph D, author of . You need not adore all your partner's cronies, but your husband will appreciate it if you accept them cheerfully, noting the positive things they give him, like sharing memories of college."We wish you'd spend more time with us."The good news from this obvious compliment is that they like you. Or when they call, at least talk to them for a minute ("How's work? ") before handing the phone to your hubby."We hate when you call him 10 times during poker night."Jeff* gets annoyed and defensive when his friend's wife phones more than once during a guys' night. And how would you feel if your husband called you every few minutes when you're out with a friend?
Unless you need him for a legitimate reason, don't check in multiple times."We're annoyed that you often come up with an 'emergency' to cancel plans."When you chronically cancel on a friend, they feel devalued, says Hanks—no wonder his chums don't think you take their relationship with your husband seriously.
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